Thursday, July 20, 2006
The Vacation of the Zee man
Okay, so the fact that I am updating this BLAWG on a Sunday afternoon should indicate how very little life I have, but here goes. As a gift to Wee, and also my nephew Zee, we flew Zee in from Canada for two weeks to hang out with us and experience all that Florida has to offer. All that is good and also, all that is scary. I shall now subject you to my astute observations. (Yes, this is me being narcissistic yet again, run, while you still can!)

One thing that every tourist over the age of eight should experience is Universal Studios. Anyone under that age? Head to Disney. All that is good happens at DisneyWorld, really. Afterall, it is the happiest place on earth. I shall, therefore, call Universal the SECOND happiest place on earth. This is our rundown. Brace yourself. As a matter of fact, go do all the important shit you need to and then stop by with a frosty beverage in hand and perhaps even a snack or two. Ahem....

The powers that be? They have outdone themselves, on things to see. The rides are fun, if you can stomach the idea that you will stand in line for upwards of 30 minutes and oftens times as much as 75 minutes; for thirty seconds of adrenaline.

*Dear really stinky people that are ALWAYS there: For the love of ALL THAT IS HOLY, please please PLEASE, shower prior to heading to Universal Studios for the day. The lines? They are in confined spaces and while it is obvious you are comfortable with the fact that you smell like ass? Well, it isn't so for the rest of us. Next time, I will not restrain myself but will vomit on your shoes with reckless abandon.*

**Also? If you started the day smelling like a skunks arsehole? It will only be exacerbated at days end. Trust me...soap is your friend.**

A view of Seuss Landing which is an extremely well done portion of The Islands of Adventure. Strolling down the paths of this area is a trip down memory lane, assuming that you loved Dr. Seuss books as much as I did growing up, which, who didn't?

*Dear East Indian Family: While I respect our cultural differences and frankly, I am slightly awed by the fact that you are willing to be out in the 100 degree heat and humidity of Orlando whilst fully covered from head to toe? I am so NOT impressed by the persons in your party who (I pray were newlyweds) felt it necessary to involve themselves in foreplay/sexual activity to the point that the young man was *ahem* unable to walk away from his betrothed. It is foul. And frankly? Quite disgusting. Rent a friggin room people, this is a FAMILY park. I consider myself quite liberal and I was embarassed for you. This is neither cute or endearing, it is gross. Grow the hell up. And if you cannot manage it? Those in charge of your arranged marriage should. So...just get it together, would you??*

Wee and Zee, taking a break from the crazy rides that they love, namely any rollercoaster that is enough to make me hurl. Such as that viewed in the distance behind them, The incredible Hulk. The one and only roller coaster I have ridden as an adult and for that matter? The only one I ever will.

*Dear person or persons in rented wheelchairs and/or power scooters. Obesity and laziness are NOT disabilities. While you ride around with your basket full of overpriced junk food and touristy trappings, there are people that are actually physically disabled that would give their right arm to be able to stand up and run through the parks and ride all the rides. Please, check yourself. It is sad and pathetic. It would serve you well if you were to break a sweat and work off some of that, instead of adding to it. Mmmk? Mmmk, good.*

Damn my kid is cute! even if he is all of a sudden a teenager and KNOWS IT ALL!!!! This was taken in Jurassic park, which was a blast.

*Dear father of the very becoming preteen girl who was tripping over herself as she was so painfully shy. As you sat down in the SPIDERMAN ride and screamed at her that she was an idiot for tightening the lapbelt in such a way as you were squished and couldn't breathe? I only saw ONE idiot (as you were screaming out, and it was not your lovely daughter). You sir? Are an asshole. Way to provide her with a priceless vacation memory. Also? go on a friggin diet, really. JERK.*


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