Thursday, August 31, 2006
All in a Day...
Okay, so here is the thing. This is probably the latest post I have ever published, but at least it is a post, right? And you all (all three of you, I'm sure) have been awaiting this all day long. So, here it is. You may breathe now!

I went this morning to have the hidascan done, to HOPEFULLY find out what has been going on with this rapidly aging body of mine. The damn traiterous thing that it is! I mean, I know it has never been beauty queen material but hey! At least I could usually count on it to get me through the day! Not so much, these days! So anyways, I did as the Doctor ordered. I first very dilegently brought my sorry butt over to Quest Diagnostics to have bloodwork done, figuring that since I was already there, I would also take care of my thyroid bloodwork. Killing two birds with one stone. Am smart like that. Woot. I tell them at the front desk my intent, and all is good. The little hispanic girl leads me back to the room of doom and there I sit, tournequet wrapped tightly around my arm, cinching the life out of me while she places the needle in my vein. Ouch, but all is well. I am TOUGH! She draws the vial of blood, rips the needle out and places the requisite gauze and tape on the crook of my elbow and informs me that we are through.


But wait, I say. Are you sure? Of course she is sure! I have one order! But, but, but..I also have a standing order for a thyroid workup, which needs to be done today, as I informed them when I arrived. "Oh, you did?" Uhm, yes. I sure did. "I will go check." So, I sit there and wait for her, knowing full well that the gauze on my elbow is a temporary measure and that she will soon stick me again and draw more blood. I am okay with this, really. It doesnt bother me. As I wait, the other phlebotomist (fancy name for the other guy with the needle across from her that has some other victim in his grips) asks me if I mind sharing with him what digestive disease my Dr. thinks I might be suffering from. Well, we are not sure. Initially they suspected kidney stones and now it is pretty much about ruling things out, I inform him. "Oh, I see." He replies. "I also am having troubles, and have been referred to many Doctors to find out what ails me." That is too bad. I hope you have good luck with them, I reply. "I am in so much pain and six or seven times a day I am feeling like I need to move my bowels", he informs me. (Okay, TMI already, but am polite, was raised as such. I can gag and wretch on my own time.)"It all started when they had to remove a kidney stone the size of Texas, first putting me under general anesthesia, but you know, have you ever tried to urinate when your urethra has been stretched to five times its normal size?"

At this point I tuned the dude out. Okay, hello. I am the patient here. You are NOT supposed to traumatize me! Shaddup! Shaddup, I say! The little hispanic girl finishes her business and I bolt from there, kicking and screaming...and make my way to the hospital for the scan, thinking I am in the clear.

Upon arrival at the hospital I am informed that the scan will take two hours. TWO FREAKING HOURS. I haven't even had a cup of coffee yet. Aargh!

*Takes deep breath*

It's all good. This will tell me what I need to know about what has been a-happenin with the old bod, right? Right! We hope! So I do as they ask, letting them set up an IV and making myself available on the table in a supine position perfectly willing to lay unmoving for a period of 120 minutes. Dudes. Two hours. A COLD, metal, HARD table. Flat on my back. But okay. It's all good and a necessary evil. So, here we go. I manage to lie still for the first hour while the technician watches Will and Grace reruns and I try and doze. Aside from freezing my butt off, I am okay with this. Little did I know that the next part of the test they would be subjecting me to an IV from hell, in which they would subject me to a steady stream of PAIN that will last for the remaining 45 minutes of this test. I'm talking pain as in thirteen years ago I gave birth and it felt something akin to this. Except now I am to lie still. And there will be no reprieve. They will not offer me pain killers, ice chips, the friggin easter bunny, sunshine, roses or a newborn to justify it. I HATE LIFE at this point.

But, I got through it! I rock!

You know, the jerk had the audacity to tell me to have a good day as I limped my sorry butt out of there? I hated him with the heat of a thousand suns momentarily. But I got over it. Am forgiving and kind like that!

So anyways, that is how it went. Now aren't you glad you waited?

I see the specialist again on Wednesday next week, hopefully he is able to tell me what the next step is and offers me a solution. If not, someone may die. And it wont be me!

How was YOUR day??



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