Collard Greens.

I don't do comedy, as a rule. I am one of those people that will sit and watch a comedy with a straight face. One, who in an audience at a comedy club, rarely cracks a smile and is immediately called attention to by the comedian in question as they try and coax even the slightest emotion out of. It isn't because I do not have a sense of humor, which I do. Just ask me, I'll tell you. Am also funny as hell. And humble.

I recall once, as a teenager, being informed by my best friend's current beau that I may have better luck in the relationship department if I smiled more. That I looked too serious all the time and always looked like a bitch. Unapproachable. I, being the dinosaur of snark, recall thinking to myself 'Yeah? And you might have better luck with your voice lowering if you didn't wear your acid wash jeans so tight that I can make out the year of the quarter in your pocket, you fag.' Hey, I never said I wasn't a bitch, but be it not for he to tell me I looked like one!

I digress! That all brings me to a point, honest. Over the course of the summer re-runs I have discovered the series The Office. Which? As funny as ANYTHING I have ever seen. It is so politically incorrect and true to life that it has me laughing out loud every time I see it. So much so that I went out and bought both the first and second seasons on DVD and have Tivo'd this season. Comically funny!

One particular episode which comes to mind is 'Diversity Day', a clip of which is seen here:



Which? Funny stuff. As seen on NBC and in context. Not so much when, while sitting with my little old lady friend at lunch last week at a Chinese food restaurant she announces at FAR too high a volume:

Little Old Lady: "Well! Would you look at that!"
Me: "Whats that M?"
Little Old Lady: "I have never in all my 96 years seen a colored man who ate Chinese food!"
Me: *Thud* as I drop dead of mortification and then try and climb under the table.

What IS it with the elderly that they think they can say anything and everything that comes to mind, I ask you? Like the time we were in the grocery store checkout line and she announced to the overweight lady purchasing the bakery cake in front of us that she didn't need it and should just refrain from purchasing it? Or the younger woman exiting the store the same day that the little old lady asked if she painted her pants on as they were so tight? I cringe at times, wondering what she will say next. I understand that her mind is starting to fail her in light of recent medical events. Also, that she has lived a very long time and sometimes when people age they revert to times past in their own minds. It still doesn't make it any easier to field stares/shock/remarks from the general public when she blurts this craziness out! The old bat! Dang good thing I adore her and am able to reason with people. Oy!

Also? This? This is love, people:



These are the object of my adoration and lusting today, my brand new box of perfect breast-cancer-research-supporting-pink-long-distance-pinnacles! The very same pinnacles that will remain boxed up the entire weekend as THE LEESTER is gone away to a golf tournament with 'The guys' where HE gets to play with his brand new golf balls. While mine sit all lonely and pleading with me! The bastage! Perhaps next time I should try and find green ones, to better match my envy?

You guys have a great weekend. I'll be busy pouting. Actually, I wont be. I have a hot date with a certain thirteen year old who still likes to hang out with the parental unit on occasion. So I will seize the opportunity and take him out to dinner and to see a movie.

Semi-charmed kind of life, I tell you!

Peace!

*edited to add: The Leester just called me to inform me that they are staying at The Hooters hotel. Yes, he was serious. Yes, THAT Hooters.*