A Hankerin For The Home Country

Every now and then, The prodigy has a yearning for all things Canadian. He will start to reminisce about his early childhood in Canada, the time spent with his cousins frolicking in the snow in the winter and other things fairly unavailable to us here in the sunny State of Florida. One sure-fire way I have found to appease him is to prepare this dish, known in this household as Canadian Gold. So, today I will share with you the recipe for the concoction known as poutine.

First of all, break out the trusty old deep-fryer or deep, heavy based saucepan. Add as much vegetable oil as will be needed to fully submerse, deep fry and thereby render lethal some julienne cut potatoes. (Or in my case, some frozen Ore-Ida crinkly cut french fries. But wouldn't you agree, that whole julienne-cut fancy schmancy business sounds better? Work with me, here, wouldja??)



Fry until a crisp, golden brown. Locate wallet. Open and verify health care coverage is current. Set wallet aside.



When french fries have achieved desired state of crispy goodness, drain briefly on paper towel or other absorbent material. Be old school and daring and choose newspaper if you'd like. Do not drain too long or you will lose some valuable, artery clogging grease. This is STRICTLY forbidden. Season said fries liberally with salt. Your arteries will love you for it.



Divide french fries into equal portions into shallow serving bowls. You may use a plate if you'd prefer, but in the end you will only be screwing yourself. Trust me on this. Once french fries (or freedom fries, if you wanna be like THAT) have been argued over and divied up, cover generously in cheese. While fresh cheese curds are what is called for in this recipe, and are truly, unequivocally the best thing ever, they are not readily available here in the land of plenty; so I have found that whole milk mozzarella shreds will do in a pinch. Do NOT try and use skim milk mozzarella. That is just WRONG. You WILL be punished.



Stop and take gratuitous picture of cheesy fried yumminess, since you may just love your camera's macro abilities just a little bit and want to make out with it. Gather your wits about yourself and prepare to proceed to next step.



Having had the foresight to prepare all things needed for this delightful cholesterol roller coaster ride of a dish ahead of time, retrieve rich, dark brown beef gravy from the stove top.



Commence smothering of cheesy fries in rich, deep brown gravy until they are veritably swimming in a little brown pool of beefy goodness. See when I said you'd be screwing yourself in the end, with a plate? Aren't ya glad ya listened? Am always right. Make note. Retrieve cell phone or other communication device to have handy, just in case.



Force child to stop and wash his greebly little hands before digging in. Further force child to stop mid-gobble for his neurotic Mother to take a picture to share with the interwebs. Drool over cheesy, melty, crispy, beefy rich goodness that is poutine. Bless yourself and thank the sweet baby Jeebus that your son's fingernails are actually sorta clean.



Commence heart palpitations, uncontrollable sweating, numbness in jaw, crushing weight on chest and inexplicable pain in left arm. Dial 911 and thank GOD you have health care coverage, because this shit is indeed a heart attack on a plate!

Enjoy!