Thursday, May 24, 2007
That's it, I'm surely going to burn.
If you have visited within the past couple of posts, you may have noted the reference to Divot being a poor homeless canine holding a cardboard sign. Do you recall? Well, today I broke the cardinal rule regarding our vagrant, beggar type compadres. I gave one actual money. And not just ANY money, but a five dollar bill.

I know, right? What the hell was I thinking. Well, you see, the thing is that I have oft commented to The Hubs that while I applaud their willingness to stand in the scathing conditions that are Florida in the summer, with the 100% humidity and hot as balls temperatures, I hate that their cardboard signs are basically blatant bullshit. I mean, come on. If you are going to stand there and beg, at least own it. Because with this being The Land O'plenty, we all know there is work to be had if you are willing. If I were in such a position (Gawd forbid-- afterall, that is why ah married a good man, so ah could be barefoot and pregnant and chained to mah stove--), I promise you that my placard would read something like this:

"Odds are, I am NOT homeless, have a Lexus stashed under the next overpass, make more than most honest hardworking folks and I COULD work if I was so inclined. But I am not, so PLEASE give me some of your hard earned money anyway, since I at least have the mettle to stand here in the heat and traffic and beg for it. Mmkay, thanks, g'bye. Oh, and God Bless. Jesus loves you."

Granted, the pickings might be slim unless it was a really long traffic light or I flashed my boobs or something, but still.


The man I happened upon today was holding the most remarkable sign. It read:

Homeless--Need WORK.
Please hire me.
God Bless.

So, I respected his gumption. I opened my window a smidge and called him over and gave him 5 bucks, told him I respected his sign, asking for work instead of a handout. Just prior to dislocating my shoulder by patting myself on the back for being a proper Christian, he slurred a barely discernible thankyouma'am and zig-zagged back into the median and pushed the button to cross the street.

Yeah...uhm, I am the sucker that gave him JUST enough money to buy his next bottle of hooch. So, dear readers, riddle me this...

If that very bottle of hooch is the one that sends him over the brink into death or worse, a further burden on our already taxed medical system due to liver failure or something, am I to blame?

My life's lesson should be clear by now. That being that the road to hell is paved with good intentions. Duh. Maybe one day, I'll get it.

Speaking of hooch though (nice segue, right? I'm sayin!), you guys have got to try this wine. Brought to you by the very Francis Ford Coppola you think it is, is this yum-dilly-ishus merlot, the Francis Coppola Diamond series. Equally yummy is the claret. And while there are much better reviews than mine for wine, as I have zero knowledge of the technicalities of the nectar of the gods since we usually buy ours in a box, you'll just have to trust me and buy it and pretend you are all pretentious and knowledgeable and I'm not. But I don't care. So shut up.


Go buy some!


Anonymous h said...

I am honestly crying I am laughing so hard about you marrying a good man and chained to your stove. Ha! Oh, and I have lived in FL far too long to give money to those people. Yes, they stand in the heat, but many for sure lie. Take the time one had a sign saying HUNGRY. I went through the McDonald's drive through that he was near and bought him a Big Mac meal, super-sized, added chicken nuggets, and drove back to him. He said thanks, but looked so disappointed when I didn't hand him money. I looked in my rearview mirror as driving away to see him toss the bag (of HOT food, cause he was so hungry) into the dumpster he was standing by. I'll bet a bottle of booze wouldn't have had the same fate!!!

Blogger Carrisa said...

We saw a man the other day holding a sign that said "Why lie? I want to buy beer. Please help."

It was pretty funny. But we still didn't stop.

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