Monday, October 16, 2006
Seriously. Funny. Shit.
Okay, so it's Monday. I really contemplated waiting until tomorrow to post because I am totally like that. I am petulant and spoiled and kind of get my back up whenever I am expected to do something. Like a part of me just HAS to be defiant and do what I want, when I want. (Picture a five year old, arms crossed and stomping her feet and you pretty much have me pegged. Just ask my husband, he will tell you.) You cant tell me what to do! You're not the boss of me!

Also? Let's talk about pressure. You guys actually expect some seriously funny shit now! What if it isn't seriously funny to you, hmmn? What then? What if, in the telling, I leave you wanting more funny? Then I look like an ass and your wait was all for naught. Do not worry though! I have long since grown accustomed to looking like an ass. Rest easy, dear reader, rest easy. It just so happens that 'ASS' is my comfort zone.

And on that note, I bring you the funny! Oh my God, I still laugh out loud even just thinking about it. Crazy. Rewind back to Universal Studios, if you will. Now keep in mind that my two guys, The Wee and The Leester, are pretty damned entertaining, okay? Take for example the time they wanted to drop kick the Grinch for stealing Christmas. I had to hold my son back from running up to him after his Dad dared him to do so. This time, their brand of humor was in the mocking and ridiculing of a group of Emo kids as they got off of Bluto's Bilge Barge, a water ride. Instant Emo, Just add Water! (That one, compliments of Wee.) EMO-H2O (The Leester.) Hurry, Emo kid, dry off, we cant see your tears! (Wee.) Just funny stuff. I spend a lot of my time with the two of them laughing my butt off. It's crazy. (For those who need to, look up 'EMO KID' on wikipedia.)

But! That isn't what was pee your pants funny, this was!

Universal Studios offers the gamut of overpriced eats for the masses and almost all of them have some sort of marketing scheme to draw in the suckers, I mean tourists, to pay the astronomical prices for the barely palatable offerings. (I will point out that I am a TOTAL cheapskate and am all about packing the fancy-schmancy bologna sammiches and then just helping myself to the proffered condiments and little Guldens brown mustard packets. So there, I admit it. I am a thief! A cheap thief! Imagine my son's shame, at having me for a Mom. But, I figure for the amount of money one pays to go there, I am gonna steal a damn tomato slice for my sammich if I damn well want to! I like to think of it as eccentric. Nah, lets face it, it's cheap. Not even thrifty, just plain old cheapskate. That's me.) One such place offers a rather extensive condiment bar, where you can doctor your burger to your own taste, much like a Fuddruckers. Well, there was this group of young men, I would say in their early twenties, all full of testosterone and arrogance. Perhaps some steroids and almost certainly an abundance of Red Bull and other various energy drinks. You know the type, very athletic with the almost too-tight T-Shirts and jeans, one hand on their stomachs as though the world needs reminding that they possess a six-pack and are too damn cool for their own good. Got the image? Good. Well, the Leester and I were standing there awaiting The Wee's return from looking at something and this one young guy was waiting for his friends...I assume, because he was empty handed. He went to walk by the condiment bar and unbeknownst to him, someone had a mishap and spilled something on the floor.

Well, the next thing we see is this rather attractive, buff young jock, in total slow motion, slip on something and do a header, face first. My God. I am talking seriously cartoonesque actions here, okay? Think of about four really bad Twister positions and a complete inability to stop himself. Arms, legs, hands and feet flying. Lee and I were both just cringing. Standing there, cringing. It was like the room went silent and time slowed down while this poor Sunnuva did the slip and slide. Well, he managed to catch himself. I have NO IDEA how, but he did. He caught himself about three centimeters before his face hit the stone tile floor, as though he was in a push-up. Totally caught himself by the fingertips and toes. (I breathed a sigh of relief for him, it could have been catastrophic!) Time still standing still, he jumps up, laughing his ass off (Which, by the way, speaks volumes to me. I would have been mortified and looking around to see who all saw me. Not this guy.) looks around, and still laughing, blurts out:


There he stood, laughing at his own misfortune and what could have been VERY painful, a pickle slice stuck on his shoulder and yelling to the world, yet again:


OH. MY. GOD. We roared. It could not have been better choreographed for the movies. It was absolutely classic stuff. Jerry Lewis quality slapstick comedy.

Unbelievably funny stuff, I tell you.

So anyways...that was what you waited for. I am still laughing! I guess maybe you had to be there?


Blogger starrynite said...

It was probably funniER if you were actually there, but I still had a lil chuckle :)

And I loved the "dry off Emo Kids, we can't see your tears!" THAT was classic!

Blogger Katya said...

I liked the Emo lines, and that's guy's fall did sound funny.

I guess the lesson is that if you can make everyone laugh about the situation, they're not laughing at you. So next time? Dooood! I slipped on a pickle!

Anonymous popabare said...

test test test cool pickle story..

Anonymous popabare said...

I had to submit that test stuff to confirm the function of this idiot machine.
I had earlier commented of not being able to walk properly heads up shoulders back stomach in, watch for the pickles!!!!!!!

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