Tuesday, October 31, 2006
You didn't actually believe there would be a fresh post today, in light of the fact that I have committed to this November challenge, did you?

Forget that, I'm playing hookie!

See you all tomorrow!

Monday, October 30, 2006
Home of the Long Weekend Absences!
Wow! Nary a word since Wednesday. If I were you, I'd break up with me. I'm like the proverbial bad date that promises to call and then doesn't, instead leaving you doubting your self worth and wondering what you. did. wrong. Rest assured dear Internet, it's not you, it's me. It's just that I have recently come out of a long term relationship and I am not ready to fully commit....

If you were anything like I was in my dating years (Which? Not so good at. I was really BAD at dating, as a matter of fact, but that is a different story entirely), that was about the time I would start to hear "blah blah blah, I am an unworthy piece of shit who is basically trying to snow you into believing otherwise yada, yada, yada" and stopped listening entirely. Goodbye! About the only thing I did completely right during my dating career was never turn backwards. My standard closing line was: "Okay, you get to do this once. There will be no turning back. I do not play that way." There were 763 things I certainly did wrong during that time of my life but I absolutely refused to be the chick begging the boy to come back. I was a proud reject, if nothing else!

So, what does all of that drivel have to do with the content of today's insight and profound knowledge? Absolutely Squat, that's what. Okay? Okay good, I'm glad we got to share.

Well, not really squat, I guess..the point of all that *points to the above text* was commitment. A new commitment.

November is, ready for this? NABLOPOMO. Say what?? I know, right? Like the Internet didn't force us to swallow seventy bajillion retarded acronyms already, we make more! (If you say it really fast several times though, it sounds kinda dirty, which is kinda fun.) It is short for National Blog Posting Month. It is offered as an alternative to NaNoWriMo. Are you scratching your heads yet? Feel free to click on the offered links, they will do the explaining for me. Which? Grand idea, for this lazy ass.

At any rate, I am hoping that by committing to this I can force myself, my gnat-like attention span included, to commit to writing AND posting; one entry, every day for a month.

Lucky you. At least I have refrained from doing what my blogging buddies are doing, which is posting a new picture of themselves each and every day for a year over on flickr. Imagine. 365 versions of me. Are your eyes bleeding at the mere thought yet? Mine would be! It is physically painful for me to stand still for one picture, let alone one daily. UGH!

Wednesday, October 25, 2006
The Art of Parenting a Thirteen Year Old Boy.
While straining pasta (perfectly al dente, of course) to be added to tonights fare of homemade soup and chatting with the prodigy about his day:

Me: Any homework? Hrmm..I probably should have undercooked this a bit, for the sake of the soup.

Him: Nope, no homework. It's like the teachers know they are getting a half-butt attempt on short days anyway, so they dont bother. I like playing with noodles.

Me: *arched brow* (homework comment or noodle play being the reason? I'll let you decide.)

Him: Oooh, that sounded kinda bad, Mom. Oops. *Insert teenaged chuckle*

Me: Better be careful or I will blog that!

Him: No! Dont!

Me: Yup! So gonna blog about you playing with your noodle!

Him: Noodle? I said Anaconda.

Tuesday, October 24, 2006
Not yet the end of October
And I know it is still breast cancer awareness month, but anymore of the solid pink and my eyes were going to start bleeding.

please still go check out the links on the sidebar? Help do your part to battle this disease!

As an aside, any help with an original template would be cool. Anyone? I am not overly choosy and would basically give someone almost total creative freedom.

A girl can dream.

Some Things Are Just Too Funny Not To Share...
Halloween. The season of joy and cheer and mocking celebrity alien babies.


Can a person have more fun than that?? I think not.

In other news, we are having a cold front! Central Florida and namely O-town set a record low last night at 50 degrees. Consider that we set a record high over the weekend and you have some drastic changes a-happenin. It is actually supposed to get even colder tonight. We may even have to break out a warm blanket to sleep under; a banner day! It feels like autumn finally so what did I do?

Why, I made a great big pot of chili for dinner, of course.

Soul Food! Easy-peasy but also a favorite of the men in my life. Couple it with some warm, freshly baked dinner rolls and voila! Dinner!

Monday, October 23, 2006
I Did It Once Again..

I should just strike the words "I'll post tomorrow" out of my vocabulary completely, agreed? Life always somehow seems to get in the way. Ah well, my excuse is that I don't generally post on the weekends, so today is perfectly acceptable.

Saturday morning, after writing that bit of silliness in the wee hours and then finally falling asleep, arrived far too early. I wanted nothing more than to just roll over and go back to sleep. However, I did not. I forced my overtired self into the shower and got ready to head out, The Leester reminding me all the while that I would thank him later for it.

For those unaware, or needing further explanation, The Funai Classic was the event I was all excited about attending. A PGA golf tournament. Watching the Big Guns in action. Some of them, anyways, the ones that are not already done for the year of their own volition or otherwise, or were off doing things elsewhere. It was hot as Hades, too hot, really; for mid October. A scorching 91 degrees. It made for some sweat-drenched moments, for sure. But! But I cannot even convey how cool it was to be there. It rates very high on my list of favorite days. Somewhere between marriage and the birth of my child. Okay, I jest, perhaps not that high, but close.

I LOVE to golf. I love everything about the game. The brisk, early morning tee times when the grass is covered in dew, trails from golf carts slicing and dissecting the untouched perfection; only to be burnt off by the sun and renewed the following morning. The sounds of nature; birds and insects, buzzing by as the rest of the world gently sleeps. The thwack of the club as it strikes the sweet spot when you tee off, quick and clean, like a gun shot. Each and every game is an awakening, a renewal and a way to refill the fuel tank. To me, there is no time better spent than venturing out with my husband, an unbroken four hours of time spent together, sharing in something we both love. Can you imagine how I would feel about it if I were any good at the game?!?

Attending a PGA event was a banner event for me. I kid you not, when I stood there and watched Vijay Singh (he is much taller in person than he appears on TV) tee off, heard the sound of the ball as it whooshed by; I almost cried. It was monumental. I believe it fair to say that I have been bitten by the bug!

It was extremely cool to watch the likes of Davis Love III (He of the brass knackers, who upon teeing up his ball slides his driver up against it to ensure it is properly teed and if it is teed up too high he taps it into the ground with that driver. Which? Would count as a stroke if by chance he were to knock the ball off accidentally), Mike Weir (a fellow Canadian who has done well for himself, and according to some of the volunteers is VERY particular and sort of a pain in the ass), Chris DiMarco, a Florida boy (who refused to sign an FSU visor due to his allegiance to his team, not in a rude way whatsoever, he offered to sign just about anything else but wouldn't sign the rival schools visor) and many others who make their living doing what the majority of us can only dream of. Earning money while golfing. The novelty! I could go on but I wont bother. Just suffice it to say that it is the first of many PGA events I will make a point of attending.

So yes, Leester, I thank you. For making me get out of bed and also for your patience in sharing your pass time with me. Although I should kind of slap you, seeing as how you want me to find one of the "Keep Quiet as a Mouse" signs to have at home so you can hold it up when I talk to you. Such a lovable ass, that one!

We wrapped up our weekend with a 9:00am tee-time on Sunday and the afternoon spent lounging by the pool. In 92 degree weather, in late October. Sometimes I wish for a nice brisk, cool day! According to the forecasts, the likes of which we should have starting tomorrow. WooHoo!

Maybe it'll get cold enough that I can light the fireplace!

Saturday, October 21, 2006
It's 3:00am I must be lonely...
Either that or I am so excited, I can't sleep.

Gay. Truly. Like a kid at Christmas, but really.

Do not expect an update today, I'll be here tomorrow. For now, we are busy putting the FUN in Funai.

Dude. That is all.

Friday, October 20, 2006
Say Hello To My Little Friend

This little guy was walking along my living room wall and decided to park right there. As a matter of fact, I just checked and he still sits there. I would assist him back outside but he is very close to the ceiling, which is 12ft high. I consider myself lizard friendly, but not so much that I want to go get a ladder out of the garage and haul it upstairs to help him out. Yanno? I suppose he could be stuck there, his little lizard toes caught up in the glaringly obvious dust bunnies that are also up there next to the celing. Which I am sure I should deal with, except it also means getting that same ladder out of the garage. So, naaaah. It can wait till we move in two months. Call me a lazy-ass, I dont care. I'll cope. If it is higher than my height, odds are it wont get dusted between now and then. Judge me, bitches! Hah! Think I care??

Errr....back to the topic at hand!

This is one thing The Family G. fast grew used to, upon our move to Florida, was the skittering of lizards as we went outside; the little guys hustling to get out from underfoot. That and frogs. Well, and alligators too. We had to get used to being watchful for them, not so much them skittering. The gators? They skitter not. But trust me, we do. Except this one time....I'll just show you the pictures and leave it at at that.

Old Guy

Tap Tap Tap

I had nightmares for weeks once I was informed they could come straight up out of the water. The Leester and I will NOT be playing with the nice gator ever again. EVER. Not so many of any of them in Canada. Although I am a super big freakazoid about bugs, reptiles do not so much as make me squirm even just a little bit. Assuming that I am not face to face with the big ones, of course.


So, there we sat, watching our Thursday line-up with the little lizard looking down on us and I was not troubled even just a little bit. At one point during a commercial break (a.k.a. a pause, since we TIVO all of our shows to avoid the commercials) The Leester rushed in to use the facilities before I could, which he ALWAYS does to annoy me, and upon his exit I ran to do the same. He followed me in there, watched me sit and get ready to tinkle (Too much info, I know, but just work with me. I'm taking this somewhere.) and when I got situated, glared at him and asked "Whaaaaaaat???"; he oh-so-casually told me to look to my left, an odd little smirk upon his face.

Where, sitting at my eye level, STARING AT ME, was a Spider, the size of a friggin quarter!

I instantly shut off the light, got up and ran out of the bathroom and into the bedroom. I may have done all of this with my pants down at my ankles while my husband rolled around on the floor laughing at me. While I cussed at him. Profusely.

Accompanied by the sound of my possibly still cussing at him and definitely still laughing uncontrollably, The Leester went and dealt with the spider.

The Leester's question? Why did I shut off the light? Easy! So the spider couldn't see me! DUH!!!

Consequently, I am tired today. Why, you ask? Wouldn't you be, if you had to sleep with one eye open for fear of the spiders that OBVIOUSLY LIVE UNDER YOUR BED JUST WAITING TO MAKE NESTS IN YOUR HAIR??????

My Husband, the ass. He thinks he is funny. His wife? Thinks he may just die an early death.

Wednesday, October 18, 2006
Mundane, blah blah blah, More Mundane.
The Family G is in the process of looking for a new home. I would almost venture to say that we have found the one we want, if things go according to plan. Heavy on the 'IF', I guess. The plan is to combine our household with that of my little old lady friend that I have oft mentioned here. She is getting to where she probably should not be living on her own, as she is starting to show strong signs of senile dementia and has had at least one minor stroke that we know of. Also, the apartment community that we currently live in has been sold and is under the threat of an imminent condo-conversion. Hate. I hate moving. Just so everyone is aware. Worse than moving? A tentative move-in date of January 1st.

Yeah, because what I wish to be doing is packing up and moving two households over the holiday season. All that aside though, the house we have been looking at is beautiful. The fact that we will be combining two homes and also sharing rent makes it possible to look at houses (Read:price ranges) we would never have previously considered. Pictured below is the first place contender.


It is truly a beauty and would offer us 3500 sq. ft. of living space in the form of a 4/3 split with a heated in-ground pool, on a very nice golf course nearby. There are strong selling features, namely enough space that we wont necessarily be tripping over each other, the pool for the kid, as well as gorgeous 14ft ceilings which serve my mental state well. I did mention golf course, right? It is bright and sunny and open and quite lovely. (If you are so inclined, and are on my family/friend list over at Flickr, you can see the rest of the house. If you are not listed there and would like to see it, leave me a comment and I will direct you.)So we shall see where that takes us. I will keep you posted about that. It is exciting, certainly, but I do have some reservations.

It'll make for some interesting changes, for certain. Also, some interesting blogging. The little old lady says some of the damnedest things, trust me. It'll be very interesting to throw her into the mix of home life with The Family G.

What do you think? Have I lost my mind, even considering it?

Also, on this most mundane Wednesday, I bring you the current objects of my lurve. Happiness comes in strange forms. Dontcha know?

My Starbucks Travel Tumbler collection. Most women? Shoes. I get it. But that is not me. I'll take these any day of the week. Besides, what need do I have for shoes in Florida when I live in flip-flops. I do have an abundance of those, however.

My quesadilla maker. This is a total slacker thing, for me. I love being able to toss a bunch of crap between two tortillas or wraps of some sort, pressing it an accompanying it with a salad. This I can pass off as a hot meal for the men in my life and they are content. Dudes. It's a sandwich. Muahaha...I am so sneaky.
Uhm...where did this come from?

Pink M&M's. Pink Chocolate. What more could a girl want?? Pink Chocolate that donates a portion of the profit to Breast Cancer Awareness, that's what!

Well, that pretty much sums up what I can find to be happy about today...so, there ya have it.

Since I mentioned profit, though? The Hard Rock Cafe at Universal Studios that we frequent on occasion? In the course of conversation with one of the higher ups employed there, we were informed that their contract with Universal Studios sees them paying FIFTY PERCENT of their profits (from that location) to Universal Studios each year, along with $500,000.00 a month in rent. How's that for a kick in the ass? OUCH.

Also, as an (un)interesting aside? Every single Hard Rock Cafe in the world is playing the exact same video/music at the exact same time. All happily looped together and fed to them via the powers that be. Kind of weird, huh?

okay, I digress. And have bored myself to tears. bye for now!

Monday, October 16, 2006
Seriously. Funny. Shit.
Okay, so it's Monday. I really contemplated waiting until tomorrow to post because I am totally like that. I am petulant and spoiled and kind of get my back up whenever I am expected to do something. Like a part of me just HAS to be defiant and do what I want, when I want. (Picture a five year old, arms crossed and stomping her feet and you pretty much have me pegged. Just ask my husband, he will tell you.) You cant tell me what to do! You're not the boss of me!

Also? Let's talk about pressure. You guys actually expect some seriously funny shit now! What if it isn't seriously funny to you, hmmn? What then? What if, in the telling, I leave you wanting more funny? Then I look like an ass and your wait was all for naught. Do not worry though! I have long since grown accustomed to looking like an ass. Rest easy, dear reader, rest easy. It just so happens that 'ASS' is my comfort zone.

And on that note, I bring you the funny! Oh my God, I still laugh out loud even just thinking about it. Crazy. Rewind back to Universal Studios, if you will. Now keep in mind that my two guys, The Wee and The Leester, are pretty damned entertaining, okay? Take for example the time they wanted to drop kick the Grinch for stealing Christmas. I had to hold my son back from running up to him after his Dad dared him to do so. This time, their brand of humor was in the mocking and ridiculing of a group of Emo kids as they got off of Bluto's Bilge Barge, a water ride. Instant Emo, Just add Water! (That one, compliments of Wee.) EMO-H2O (The Leester.) Hurry, Emo kid, dry off, we cant see your tears! (Wee.) Just funny stuff. I spend a lot of my time with the two of them laughing my butt off. It's crazy. (For those who need to, look up 'EMO KID' on wikipedia.)

But! That isn't what was pee your pants funny, this was!

Universal Studios offers the gamut of overpriced eats for the masses and almost all of them have some sort of marketing scheme to draw in the suckers, I mean tourists, to pay the astronomical prices for the barely palatable offerings. (I will point out that I am a TOTAL cheapskate and am all about packing the fancy-schmancy bologna sammiches and then just helping myself to the proffered condiments and little Guldens brown mustard packets. So there, I admit it. I am a thief! A cheap thief! Imagine my son's shame, at having me for a Mom. But, I figure for the amount of money one pays to go there, I am gonna steal a damn tomato slice for my sammich if I damn well want to! I like to think of it as eccentric. Nah, lets face it, it's cheap. Not even thrifty, just plain old cheapskate. That's me.) One such place offers a rather extensive condiment bar, where you can doctor your burger to your own taste, much like a Fuddruckers. Well, there was this group of young men, I would say in their early twenties, all full of testosterone and arrogance. Perhaps some steroids and almost certainly an abundance of Red Bull and other various energy drinks. You know the type, very athletic with the almost too-tight T-Shirts and jeans, one hand on their stomachs as though the world needs reminding that they possess a six-pack and are too damn cool for their own good. Got the image? Good. Well, the Leester and I were standing there awaiting The Wee's return from looking at something and this one young guy was waiting for his friends...I assume, because he was empty handed. He went to walk by the condiment bar and unbeknownst to him, someone had a mishap and spilled something on the floor.

Well, the next thing we see is this rather attractive, buff young jock, in total slow motion, slip on something and do a header, face first. My God. I am talking seriously cartoonesque actions here, okay? Think of about four really bad Twister positions and a complete inability to stop himself. Arms, legs, hands and feet flying. Lee and I were both just cringing. Standing there, cringing. It was like the room went silent and time slowed down while this poor Sunnuva did the slip and slide. Well, he managed to catch himself. I have NO IDEA how, but he did. He caught himself about three centimeters before his face hit the stone tile floor, as though he was in a push-up. Totally caught himself by the fingertips and toes. (I breathed a sigh of relief for him, it could have been catastrophic!) Time still standing still, he jumps up, laughing his ass off (Which, by the way, speaks volumes to me. I would have been mortified and looking around to see who all saw me. Not this guy.) looks around, and still laughing, blurts out:


There he stood, laughing at his own misfortune and what could have been VERY painful, a pickle slice stuck on his shoulder and yelling to the world, yet again:


OH. MY. GOD. We roared. It could not have been better choreographed for the movies. It was absolutely classic stuff. Jerry Lewis quality slapstick comedy.

Unbelievably funny stuff, I tell you.

So anyways...that was what you waited for. I am still laughing! I guess maybe you had to be there?

Sunday, October 15, 2006
T-Shirt Slogans and Some Seriously Funny Shit.
Well, as I mentioned yesterday, The Family G. spent the day at Universal Studios. Which, I must say, was entirely awesome. We spent the day putting on the miles as we walked from ride to ride and from park to park. It would be interesting to know just how many miles. Perhaps next time I will wear a pedometer so I can know for sure. Regardless, it is nice to get out there and walk, even nicer when the day was a balmy 82 degrees and we never broke a sweat (Which we certainly do in the summer months. So much so that we walk around with face towels so we can constantly mop our brows). The morning even started a cool 65 degrees, a rarity for here in O-town.

One thing you can count on when you travel to these theme parks is a plethora of tourists (she says, stating the entirely too obvious...durrr) and with them, a vast array of fashion. And NON-fashion. My word!! The shit that some people will wear, for whatever reason escapes me. One thing I find amusing though is the collection of T-shirt slogans you can see through the course of the day. Some of the few seen yesterday:

1.) 'My Indian name is Runs with Beer'. I LOVED that T-shirt slogan. For some reason this one totally hit the funny bone for me. I even commented to the guy about it, as he was right in line ahead of us and ended up riding Dr. Doom's free fall with The Family G. Pleasant guy, from Texas, here on business for the weekend and brought his family along. Great, great shirt. Especially seen on an average looking business man who is having fun with his family! Definitely my favorite of the day.

2.) 'You had me at Hell No'. You have to appreciate the play on the well-known Zellwegger line, with this one. This was worn by a short little Italian dude that was with a group of people at 'Cigarz', The Leester's favorite joint since quitting smoking. The T-shirt guy seemed a little full of himself, but obviously had a sense of humor, with the self deprecating qualities of the shirt.

3.) 'Let's Meat Up'. This one was actually in The Fossil store, but I thought it was funny as hell, as on it were cartoon pictures of sandwich meat, a hot dog and a hamburger patty. Funny! Ha! Small things amuse small minds, indeed.

4.)'Canadians are Eh-holes'. I finally saw it on someone! I have loved this slogan since I first stumbled upon it months ago, but just don't have the nerve to wear it. It is friggin hilarious! I think that I would have a right to wear it, as a Canadian in exile, with full knowledge of the slang and how much we got busted on for using it when we first moved here. I refrain though, as I do not wish people to think I would wear it in order to be derogatory to Canadians or Canada, because I love both; obviously.

5.)This next one I had to speed read as the kid was walking by as I caught it. And I emphasize kid. 'I offered my honor. She honored my offer. So the rest of the night I was offer and honor'. Okay, this is where I get bitchy people, so avert your delicate eyes. Number one, the kid looked younger than my own. What friggin parent in their right mind allows a young boy to wear a T-Shirt like this?? My Son would first of all remove the shirt and watch it destroyed. He would then secondly get the lecture he would have coming, about respect of both himself and others. Thirdly, he would cancel his plans for the day, as I would place him on restriction as punishment. So there you have it. I am not really a hard ass about much, but that one hit a nerve with me. I mean, The Wee has a T-shirt I love, which is pink and reads: Keep laughing, this is your girlfriends T-Shirt. Which? Obviously implies pretty much the same thing, but it doesn't use the word honor. It doesn't laugh in the face of what I expect my son to be like with his future girlfriends. If that makes sense? If not, then just never mind, I've kind of resorted to babbling here anyways.

There were also the expected slew of 'Very Sexy', 'So Hot', 'Too Good For You' shirts, which I find are always pretty much found on the least sexy people. I have decided that I would like to find a T-Shirt that is designed to look like the aforementioned but instead reads 'Very Bitchy'. The Leester figured that'd be a Gooder as well. Maybe even fitting?

Alright, enough about the T-Shirt slogans..I've lost interest. First though, my favorite of the day! Well, it wasn't even a T-Shirt, but hear me out. there was this young man (Eminem look-alike type) wearing a very obviously brand new Volcom Hoody. A very nice one, at that. He and his girlfriend were sitting at Cigarz with a friend and I noticed that he still had the hanging tag on it. Hrmmmn...you have to wonder, is this something they do on purpose anymore? Is it something I should point out? What to do, what to do. I waited till his girlfriend and friend left the table for whatever reason and I leaned over and said, "I don't mean to be a nosey neighbor, or if you did it intentionally, but you still have a sales tag attached to your sweater." (Yes, I know he bought it, the bag was right there. Quit being such a pessimist and thinking he five-fingered it!) Well, he turned to me and smiled, thanked me and removed the tag, replying, "Wow, thank-you! I just bought it. That could have been very embarrassing. I appreciate it!" So, while he could have told me to F-off or mind my own business for getting in his face, he was polite and very pleasant. I was pleased.

The Leester always accuses me of making friends with everybody, anytime we go anywhere. I am guilty as charged. Not of making friendships with strangers, per say, but of striking up conversations. I will ALWAYS say hello to someone even when passing in the street. If someone drives by in my neighborhood, I always wave. If someone is in front of me in a line and makes eye contact, I am talking to that person. If someone has a name tag that is in the service industry, I will always address that person by name. Why? I don't know, I just always have, I guess. One thing I have found though, is it serves entirely my need for social interaction. I am perfectly content to spend my time with either my family or by myself. Does that make me reclusive or odd? I'm curious. I have found, too, that the older I get; the less desire or need I have to make friends with people. Hmmmn..I wonder if that means I will end up the crazy old lady in the neighborhood with 27 cats.

ANYWAY! Onto the seriously funny shit I promised you! OH MY GOD! The Leester and I are still laughing about it, anytime we mention it. Classic, classic stuff.

Actually, you know what? It's going to have to wait until tomorrow. I have to make a Tee-Time. But! I promise it'll be tomorrow and that by tomorrow I mean Monday, October 16th and not October 23rd.

Promise! Now, I'm going golfing. Ciao, peeps!

Saturday, October 14, 2006
Who in their right mind...
Is up at 5:30 in the morning on a Saturday?? I guess that would depend on what you mean by 'right mind'.

I have always been a morning person. For the majority of my life I have been up with the birds, and not in an attempt to get the worm. It just so happens that as soon as I open my eyes, I am wide awake. I am the kind of person, in the morning, that most people would love to stab in the eye with an ice pick. (Alright, smart asses in my readership, bite back the comments about the time of day having little to do with it; capisce? Heh. best to cut that one off at the pass, instead of leaving myself wide open.) Morning is my favorite time of the day, especially so in Autumn, when I am up even before the sun. The absolute silence, slowly brightening sky and the rustling of awakening critters outside here in Florida is good for my well being. Good for the soul, my Dad would say. He would say that, but he wouldn't practice it. He is one that needs the cuppa joe before he greets the world. The Leester too. Although he isn't grumpy when he first wakes up, he prefers to have a coffee before he faces the world. My Mom? Exactly like me. We are possibly the two most annoying people to be around first thing in the morning, I'm sure, as we are content to chat and face the day, and even smile; first thing in the morning.

Today finds me up bright and early and just about to wake the rest of The Family G. to go to Universal Studios for the day. Again. For about the thirtieth time. Crazy, right? I know it sounds it, but it is a blast. The Leester and I have found it to be a great demilitarized zone between us and a certain thirteen year old. It evens out the playing field and allows us to all just spend the day together and have fun, instead of finding that the things we say have a good chance to be met with eye-rolls and huge sighs. Ah yes, the joys of raging hormones and that scary monster called puberty.

Today is also the day when we will decide whether or not to renew our passes to said theme park. Considering it in that context, it seems like money well spent, wouldn't you say? An investment.

Thursday, October 12, 2006
What do you mean I don't look Hispanic....
....with my red hair and freckles???

Only because I haven't done it in so long and I have nothing of significance to say, dinner is on me!

Steak quesadillas with black beans and rice. Enjoy!


Talk to you tomorrow.

The Midweek Nameless Post
Thursday, already! And only the second time this week I am updating this thing. Not such a great track record since my goal is to bring you the pleasure of my astute observations and musings four days a week. (I know, right? Wipe the corners of my mouth because there is still a little bullshit there? (Which, by the way, is a statement I read in an email my Dad sent me and totally cracks me up, so I am stealing it! Funny, right??)(What, too many parentheses? I like them, alright? Cope!) Anyway! Here I am, finally touching base! I'm sorry for the lack of communication, it has been a very busy week for the Family G, this member in particular.

Granted, I did find time for an early morning mid-week game of golf with The Leester. Which? Golf midweek with the man=Happiness. I even shot a fairly solid game, which is good! At a course I hadn't played before, which is better! Probably even the only course in Florida with a multitude of hills, which rocks my socks off! All of those things combined and still walking away feeling like I played well? Happy, Happy days!

After we were through golfing, The Leester and I started our crazy afternoon of house hunting. We are moving from the apartment when our lease is up (I hate moving!) and now it is crunch time. Our needs are rather unique as we need an exponentially bigger place than what we have now, the variables of which we weren't sure until we saw it; sort of thing. I know, it sounds like it makes little sense, but unique circumstances bring about unique requirements. Also, could I use the word unique a little more today, you think? But! But, I believe we may have found the right house to suit our specific needs, so wish us luck and think happy thoughts, please?

It also doesn't hurt that it is on a golf course. Doesn't hurt at all, really.

Not much else new right now, so in closing I leave you with my favorite Leesterisms of the week.

After golfing last Sunday, we stopped by The Winghouse (Local watering hole) so The Leester could feed his need for a cold one and a bite to eat (Read:Booty-shorts and chicks with big boobs), and while on the way inside there was a Talk Show Host from the radio station The Leester faithfully listens to, his favorite station, Real Radio 104.1. The Leester is a talk radio junkie. This would be the only station he ever listens to ( I often tease him that his political views and education should come from more than just the likes of Soul Brother Kevin, RRR and/or Shannon Burke, although those three might disagree with me), and while I enjoy the shows, sometimes I just need the sound of silence. So much so that just that morning in the truck I turned off the radio and asked him if he didn't ever just get sick of it. Didn't the constant stream of voices give him a headache?

The Leester? Turns to me and says: "You should try living with you." Buuuurn! I had to totally give him major kudos for that one. The guy had them coming. When I mentioned that to the radio talk show host at The Winghouse, he agreed that it scored a home-run.

Speaking of home run, terrible, horrible news about Corey Lidle, right? The NYY pitcher who crashed his plane yesterday? Well, maybe, just maybe, we saw the Breaking News interruption on ESPN on the big screen at The Winghouse yesterday after all of our house hunting. Maybe we frequent The Winghouse too often? Naaah, its a great place. Sure beats the hell out of Hooters! (Just ask Hooters about the lawsuit they lost, you'll see)

At any rate, being slightly dramatic, I turned to The Leester and said "OH MY GOD! THAT'S AWFUL! DID YOU SEE THAT????" He ripped his eyes away from whatever they had been on (boobs), turned to me and asked what I was talking about and when I pointed at the Big screen, read the headlines. After seeing what I was freaking out about (By now I had moved on to being dramatic about the people of Manhattans reaction and the fear of the rescue workers and what might have been going through their heads and, and, and, OH MY GOD HOW TERRIBLE FOR EVERYONE!!!!) (I know, take a friggin Xanax, right??) The Leester turned back to me and deadpanned: "What, The Yankees are out of it anyway." (Durr, the world series, silly!) I yelled at him for being a hard ass, he said that accidents happen. (No, my husband is not a heartless sunnuva, he just has a very dry sense of humor. Surely I didn't really have to point out the obvious, did I?) Men. I was thinking about the young man that lost his life and The Leester was thinking about the organization that is major league sports.

I wonder what the world would be like if the species used their big brain to think!!!

The Leester wonders if Steinbrenner has to pay out his contract.

Ciao, peeps! Talk to you soon!

Monday, October 09, 2006
Baby Love, Part II
Did I Say Saturday? Well, I totally meant Monday. Sorry, people. Life gets in the way sometimes. Viva la weekend! Carrying on though, it is my extreme pleasure to introduce you to the *air quotes* family here in Florida!

*drumroll, please*

This is The Wee-man and his best friend in the Universe, Dill pickle. These two met in school when we lived in Jax and became fast friends. Upon moving here to O-town, we found that the best way to keep these two content was to basically co-parent them. Between The Leester and I and Dill Pickles parents, we shuttle them back and forth for alternating weeks anytime they have a break from school. It definitely spoils The Leester and I much more than it does Dill's family, as you will soon see why.

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When the Dill is visiting us for alternating weeks, G&T are by no means off the hook. Unlike Lee and I who are kid free when The Wee is up in Jax, Dill's folks (aka G&T) have their hands mucho full with these two little things that make me want to cry they are so ADORABLE. If I knew which came first I would post them in that order, as I did with The Dill, but I don't. (And no, I don't mean the chicken and the egg. Duh!) So, in no order of favoritism, let me first introduce you to The Bruiser!

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I am so not stopping with one picture of these angels, so I shall give you a photo essay! God I love a captive audience! The Bruiser's great big soulful brown eyes will suck you in and never let you go. As you can see by the picture directly above, he is already plotting the takeover of the Universe. Okay, so maybe not the universe, but he is definitely checking out my camera with some damn serious intent!

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The Bruiser is a great teller of stories, in the form of the CUTEST little pursed lips and animalistic grunts. Yes G, that would be your boy-child. Takes after his Dad! Eloquent...for an ape! :P

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The bruiser also likes him some damn food. You just don't want to mess with this one at dinner time! He will still take a moment though to charm your socks off, if you give him but a minute.

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Also, because there is very little justice in the world, The Bruiser got the hair. It is just not fair. And on that note, I give the limelight over to The Bruiser's twin, Sissy!! Sissy of the fine, silky straight hair and not the mess of thick curls that The bruiser has. Sissy, the Beautiful angel!

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I know the balance in this picture is all wrong but I love it just the same. I love how Sissy appears to be peeking out from behind The Bruiser and saying "You-hoo! Hello? Hello everyone, I'm over here!" Sissy was not feeling at all well when these were taken, the poor baby. She tried her best to take part in all the fun happenings around her but she was just worn right out. After we left, her Mama had her to the Dr. and found out that Sissy had a bad ear infection. No fun. She did better than I would have if I was sick on a long weekend, after moving, with a house full of company.

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Where the bruiser is dark, Sissy is fair. Where he is a moose, Sissy is a featherweight. Where his eyes are so brown almost to be black...well, as you can see by the above picture, she is a blond, blue-eyed princess. Now how is that for a fun set of fraternal twins?? You can also see that Sissy loves her Binky!

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Sissy was feeling so craptastic at this point that she didn't give two hoots about the happenings around here. It took a loooong time to coax even a little smile out of her when she is usually quick to flash you the most beautiful grin.

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A little glimpse of the beauty that is Sissy's smile, even when she has a dirty little face. (Sorry T., I know it must be killing you to see that I have all these pictures of them up on here when they have dirty faces and are a completely hot mess in diapers and not much else. But you can smack me later, k?)

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I LOVE this picture! LOVE. This was when Sissy was happiest over the July 4th weekend, when she was so miserable hot that all she wanted us to do was pour ice water slowly over her head. She is so friggin cute. ALMOST cute enough that for a second I wanted more. Shew...glad that passed!

And that, people, is the Florida Baby Love! How could I not, right? Now, to give credit where due, and also to push my dear friend T. just a little closer to the edge of my demise at her hands, I will share with you her and her husband, G! (Heh. She may just yell at me, if actually getting the picture of her is any indication of how much she will love it up here for the world to see!)

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T. is one seriously awesome chick. We the family G. adore her. T is the kind of person whose door is always open. She is loyal to her friends, to a fault at times, and will always have your back. Her house is the place where the kids want to be, and always are. I don't understand how she doesn't sometimes tear her hair out by the roots, but she manages it. Imagine, just imagine, being nice and settled into your world and parenting a ten year old single child. Imagine finally planning your wedding after being together for a decade or so (Duh, G! About time!) and planning a destination wedding at that. Imagine, two weeks before you were to get married, finding out you were preggers.


Now imagine how much she wanted to kill this guy, when she found out it was twins. Dead man walking. Dead man walking. Dead man walking. I have trouble imagining it, don't you?? And yet? T. is the most seriously organized baby managing machine I have ever seen. She is the kind of mother that was destined to be in the role. She also has a lot of help from this guy, my boyfriend. I introduce you to G.

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Hiya G! Where T. was all sketchy and shocked and "Oh my God WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO WITH TWINS???????", G. was all about doing the touchdown dance. We are still on occasion hearing about the incredible abilities of his swimmers. *ahem* Yes, that is correct. After all though, really. A boy, a girl. A bruiser, a princess. A brown-eyed, brown haired boy and a blue-eyed blonde angel. I guess if he only had once chance to TRICK MY POOR FRIEND T., he did do it right. The bastard! G. is also responsible for corrupting my child's taste in music. Something he enjoys a lot. (The Debbil, I say, The Debbil!)

I want anyone who knows The Leester in real life to picture this a moment, okay? Hell, anyone that has even so much as seen a picture of my husband. These two? Not a lot alike, right? Imagine G. and The Leester upon first meeting, as different as night and day, kind of eyeing each other up and circling. I sent The Leester to pick up The boy from Dill's house and G. is the guy that answered the door. I got a bit of a look from my husband when he got home, but he refrained from commenting. I am told that G. also gave T. a bit of a look when she suggested upon my invitation that the four of us get together for dinner with the boys. These two did not foresee any future in this arrangement, aside from Wee and Dill's friendship.

Lesson? Do not be judgemental. Do not let appearances fool you. The Leester and G. became fast friends. Two really great guys who really look and ARE very different. We LOVE spending time with this family and as mentioned, have claimed them as our own. We have had the absolute pleasure of spending a couple holiday weekends with them, with the intent to spend many more together, and were made to feel absolutely at home. For us, this family defines our holiday seasons in Florida when the holidays take place without our extended family visiting.

And damn, can they cook! Since this post isn't quite long enough yet...hahaha...let me show you what our July Fourth weekend with them entailed. I'll do so without words, but let me leave you with this thought, okay? Just imagine what last Thanksgiving was like. And how much we are looking forward to spending this Christmas together!

Oysters meet their death
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Oh, also? That was a sampling of one meal. Fooooood!

Friday, October 06, 2006
See? I do it every single time!
I start something yesterday and when I tell you to stay tuned to today for the conclusion, I totally leave you hanging. Take for example the Inaugural Meme that I did when I first started blogging. Have you ever read part two? I thought not. Know why? Because it does not exist! I never finished it! I suck! Go read someone worthy! Someone who will allow you to read the conclusion of things! Someone with an attention span greater than that of a gnat and maybe someone with a little less A.D.D. like tendencies.

What was I saying? Oh..yeah! :P

I just now walked in the door from being out with my little old lady friend this morning. It is much later than I had anticipated being and I have some things I need to get done, so I am pleading with you for mercy. I WILL finish yesterday's post tomorrow morning while the Leester is out golfing. You have my word.

And in regards to The Leester going golfing tomorrow? Yes, that would be HIM going golfing again while I stay home. Let me tell you this, verbatim, how it went down:

The Phone Rings...

TL: Hi babe! How would you like to go golfing with some of the guys from the office? (No, not the cast of the sitcom. That would be cool. An event.)
Me: Hrmmm...Like who hon?
TL: Names off six random people that he works with, including that of his boss.
Me: (Brain working feverishly: What if I have a suck-ass game of golf? What if I do nothing but Hook and Slice, all day long? What if The six guys he works with laugh at me and joke incessantly about my complete lack of skills? What if I *GASP* embarrass my husband with my MAD golfing skills and outplay all of them??) Well hon, how about you go ahead and go and maybe you and I can play on our own on Sunday instead?
TL: You sure hon? I mean, it'd be fun to have you along!
Me: Yes babe, I'm quite sure. You go ahead. Thanks for asking though!
TL: Okay hon, you and I can go Sunday instead, for sure!
Me: Very good, see you after work! Love ya!
TL: (Thinking he had already disconnected the call) Dude! I totally got points for asking AND I get to go golfing. *The sound of high-fives in the background*

Does he really think I didn't see through it? That he isn't transparent? Well, duh! Of course I did. But The Leester was innovative. Creative! A free thinker! Instead of just calling me and asking if it'd be okay with me (Seeing as how he was away last weekend as well, it isn't as though he needs my permission to do things. *snark* yeah right, he totally does. We all know it.), he used his brain.

Well you have done, young Jedi.

Thursday, October 05, 2006
The Baby Love. And Also, My Family.
*disclaimer: This is shaping up to be a rather long and drawn out update. Come back later if you don't have time right now, but please do come back. I miss you!*

*Second Disclaimer: This is a REALLY long damn post. So long, in fact, that I am considering splitting it into two, as I fear you are going to end up gnashing your teeth and tearing out your hair while attempting to get through it.*


One of the hardest things about moving to Florida for The family G., and for this member of said family in particular, has been the fact that I no longer have immediate access to the chilluns. I recall saying to the-little-sister-formerly-known-as-Gargamel-but-now-fondly-called-bitchface that I have become to my nieces and nephews what our Great-Aunt Mary and our Auntie Margaret were to us growing up. The Aunt that people hear spoken about (all good of course, duh!) but that the kid's rarely see. The one that flies in occasionally bearing gifts and taking them out to eat and to go shopping and then flies a world away again. It's been tough. Tougher on me than them, I am sure. Well, except for Bitchface's middle one maybe, as I used to take care of him while they were at work every day and for two years after we moved I was the Auntie that walked on water and let him do whatever he wanted, whenever he wanted. So there. Keep that opinion, middle J, will you? I missed you that much too, my little man!

It is especially tough on this broad when the holidays near. Happy Canadian Thanksgiving everyone, I love you. I will think of you while I am out on the golf course this weekend. Someone eat a piece of pumpkin pie for me, would you please? And also? A turkey bun...mmm. Bitchface, if you do it, I promise I will come up with a much nicer nickname for you. Really. Something like...Queen of the Universe! No really, I promise!

Anyways, enough! This isn't going to be a sad post, because today The Dee is quite hap-hap-happy. Run with it, people, run! Instead, I am going to completely saturate your brains with photo's of all my baby-love. Pictures of the Canadian kidlets and also gorgeous, lovely pictures of the babies here in Florida that I love as though they were my own. And (maybe sadly for them sometimes, cause we are a teensy-tiny bit insane) even some pics of the parental units of those babies that have also become family to us. And perhaps maybe, just maybe, this one pic of our friend G., who completely to the knowledge of our respective spouses, I am having a torrid and illicit love-affair with. If you consider calling each other bitch and high-fiving and acting like idiots love, that is. But he is a hottie in all his tattooed finery. And besides, why else would his wife be finding my pink sunglasses in her vehicle if they didn't end up there as a result of some oh-so-secret rendezvous?? And besides again, I absolutely KNOW my husband pines for his gorgeous wife and my very dear friend T., so it's all good. We are just a little weird like that.

*insert drum roll*

First of all, the babies in Canada, some of whom are now completely and utterly grown. How dare you?! Go back! Run away from the light! Stay young and innocent and smelling like you are fresh from the bath and not stinky and chalk full of the attitudes that make your parents want to wring your neck's sometimes! Do it, or I'll make you sit down and watch a Disney movie with me! Please?!? (Yes, that would be Auntie Dee, begging. I'll buy you something nice if you do!)

First of all, I bring you the baby J. My God to look at this picture makes my heart absolutely stop beating in my chest and break clean in half. The pain? It is physical. Bitchface and The Shig make some PRETTY babies. (I really do need to come up with some different nicknames I guess. I just am not comfortable using people's real names on this vast interweb, so please work with me. I know, for now I'll abbreviate hers to BF, which she will automatically assume I mean to stand for Best friend!) (Ahem, again with too many parentheses)

Katydid and BF came to see me when BF was oh-so preggers and just as sick as sick could be. Later we found out she had pneumonia and had coughed so much and so hard she dislocated ribs. I have never seen anyone in that much pain.

That was the first time I met baby J.
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The only other time I have laid my eyes on this gorgeous thing was when the Wee and I flew home last summer. I arrived at midnight, and BF informed my parents that they would drop me off at her house, right then. (There may have been a time in BF's life when she was spoiled rotten, being the youngest child, and the lot of us catered to her every whim. That time may indeed, still be taking place. Just maybe though.) My brother-in-law, The Shig, walked down the stairs with that bundle of goodness (although a much bigger boy by the time I flew home) and I stood there and cried. Truth be known, I cry as I type this, he is JUST. THAT. PERFECT. But! BUT! I will NOT be sad today. Baby J showed me exactly who was calling the shots when I leaned in to kiss him goodbye after two weeks and he smacked me square in the face.

This next one is the Baby J as he is today, and seen with Medium J and The Big J. BF and The Shig named them all with names starting with one letter. Can you guess what letter this may be? (Heh. How's that for some creativity, you dork; BF!)


As depicted in this photo, Baby J. is pretty much the Master of their Universe. Which is kind of poetic, really, since how BF is just that much of a brat, too. (Hah! Take that! Karma will in fact bite thee square in the ass for being just that bratty!) Again, this is proof positive that BF and The Shig have some mad baby-making skills. Talk about three gorgeous boys! BEA.U.TI.FUL!

Mine heart has been rendered full and I am not yet a third of the way through the angels that are my nieces and nephews. That, and, my ovaries have just exploded. It is probably a good thing that The Leester stopped the baby-making at just The Wee or we would be over-run with chilluns and all barefoot and grubby and snotty nosed..and perhaps living in a VAN, DOWN BY THE RIVER!

Onward, people! Or I will have taken up your entire day with my ramblings. Next, I bring you my nephew Zee-man, whom most of you may recall seeing here previously as we flew him in to spend a couple weeks with The Wee over the summer holidays. Ah yes, the fun we had! Zee-man also has three sisters, three beautiful little creatures that he will spend many years trying to keep in line, I am sure. That and beating up a bunch of boyfriends. Oy! Good luck, Zee-man! I introduce you to my nieces, the fairer bunch, Gorgeous and way too old for her years N., Strong and Wise H. and Youthful-shopper-after-mine-own-heart B. (The pseudonyms are bustin my ass here peeps! Excuse the cheese factor, please. I am trying, alright? Gawd!)


My older, brilliant sister, Katydid, packed up this bunch and took them out for the day to the Zoo and a themepark. She is cool like that and always has been. I dig my Katydid. She and her husband, henceforth known as Uncle Cranky, have always been a constant in the lives of the babies, even when sometimes other external stuff would try and get in the way. The Zee-man and his gorgeous sisters dont all live in the same house, but they sure do love each other and always have Auntie Katydids house as a neutral zone if need be.

Katydid and Uncle Cranky have always had the kind of home where all the neighborhood kids hang out and she has had hand in raising half the bloody town where they live, in the form of The Gidgets friends. this next picture is my oldest nephew, the Gidget. He and his girlfriend/not-girlfriend/bestfriend/friend (Oh my god Ill never keep up with todays youth! What is this world coming to!) Lets just leave it at this: This is my eldest nephew, a member of 'the beautiful people' club.

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The Gidget came to be the same year I graduated highschool. Yes, he has reached the age of majority. Shut it. It still doesn't make me old, so there. He is one of those beautiful people that you love to hate as he is absolutely sweet and kind and brilliant. No, I am not the proud Auntie at all, am I?

Now, before I move along to my two other nephews I give you this next picture, my own parental units, Lizzie-bits and The Captain. It seems only right that I show them here as it is their legacy you have seen up to this point. It is a true measure of a persons worth when faced not with their riches or possessions, but with the legacy they will one day leave behind. Not that they are like, dying or something, but you know what I mean. Then again, if they dont one day just. stop. nagging. me. I. am. almost. forty. years. old. dammit, they might just. Die, I mean! (Of course I jest. Mostly.)(Also, emotional guy known as my Dad. You can stop crying now)


This one was taken while vacationing here in Florida, on a day trip to Mt. Dora (which is totally not a mountain at all because hey, this is Florida, duh!), where my Mom's heart might just live.

I have not shown you pictures of my siblings, as sadly I do not have anything very current. One day soon I will be sure and change that. For now though, I want to introduce you to the other two little people that I miss on a daily basis, my nephews on The Leesters side.

I give you The Football Star! The Football Star is about as funny as anyone I have ever met. He has an awesome sense of humor and is a great deal of fun to spend time with. He and The Wee are two peas in a pod and given half a chance I am certain could get into a world of trouble together. I hope to be able to have him come spend a couple weeks here with us next summer but have yet to talk to my dear sister-in-law about it yet. Our fingers are crossed though!


Brother to The Football Star and a Star in his own right, this next picture is my nephew Jay-Man. Jay-Man astounds me. He is studious and quiet, serious at times when others are full of piss and vinegar and is always observant. The Jay-Man will grow up to greatness, I am certain. He is the kind of kid that observes everything and takes it all in, reserving judgement and often comment until later. This picture does not show him very closely but to me, it captures his spirit.


We dont see them nearly often enough.

Well, guess what? I've had enough for today. This little exercise has taxed me emotionally and while I am not sad, I am wistful. I would love to take them all and wrap them in my arms and at times, never let them go. So for now I will end this. Please stay tuned for tomorrow's update, when I will introduce you to my Florida babies and their family, whom I have adopted as my own. Without their permission, even. But they get it, their parents.

Not only that, but they deserve their own post.

Tuesday, October 03, 2006
Breasts, Breasts And More Breasts!
As you can see, I too am proudly going pink for October.

Beautiful breasts, big and small!

I am totally resisting urges to create a Green Eggs and Ham style post as an ode to the boobage. But? As much fun as that would be? I refrain. Have a little class, shall we? (Yet I wonder what sort of search words will bring people here as a result of this post. It'll be interesting to see.)

October is breast cancer awareness time, people! Even if you have not been directly affected by breast cancer, chances are someone you know has. So please, please, please, do your part to help create awareness! Help raise some money. Donate your services and your time if you cannot afford to donate money.

Early detection is the key!

I have added several PINK LINKS that I urge you to go and see so you, too, can do your part.

Monday, October 02, 2006
What happens when old guys try and party like rock stars....
This is the husband:

Grin and bear it

This is the husband after thinking he is as young (read:ten feet tall and bullet proof) as he used to be:


Serves him right for failing to realize that he cannot soar with the eagles if he is recovering from wallowing in the pig-pen the night before, yes? Exactly. I had my suspicions that the remainder of the weekend might be spent very quietly, accompanied by the sounds of The Leester's snoring, as the phone calls Friday night progressed. And in their progression, got harder to understand due to the slurring.

Am kind and loving wife and actually didn't even try and make him suffer. He had a great time and it was an opportunity to network and talk shop. And also golf. And drink copious amounts of alcohol. And a reason to smoke cigars. And drink some more. All on someone else's dime!! Although I am not sure how much shop can be spoken about when I am sure all the guys there were inebriated!